I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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