Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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