I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I need to align my fucking chakras
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