She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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