Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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