She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I deserve this hangover.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
