You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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