"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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