we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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