I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
