I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
