The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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