my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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