hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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