I faked an abortion last night.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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