You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
