I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
