Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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