And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's how pantless uber rides happen
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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