just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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