My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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