After last night, I could never be a politician.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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