I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
