How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize