Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
