A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
