I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
