Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
