other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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