no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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