I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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