There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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