I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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