Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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