I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
