i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
