my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
