We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
