I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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