I could have mohawked her pubes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
