I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
