i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Randomize
