I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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