If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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