My balls are so social today.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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