We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
how drunk are you?
Several
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
