to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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