Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
