I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
