I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The best revenge is premature balding
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
