we have pet lesbian snakes
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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