I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
