I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
