he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
