I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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