With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
